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Social Security Reform Bill Encourages Americans To Live Faster, Die Younger

New report from The Onion released last week.  This is pretty funny.

The new law will remove restrictions on cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol as well as provide tax incentives for seniors who bungee jump and skydive.

Related Onion wisdom:


And perhaps the funniest one of them all:

"It's Time To Close The National Money Hole"



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Reader Comments (17)

Great laughs!! Needed this.
Jul 28, 2011 at 1:04 AM | Unregistered CommenterTR
Thanks for bringing me back down TR...but it is a great link you posted. That blog always has great charts.
Jul 28, 2011 at 1:49 AM | Registered CommenterDailyBail
Jul 28, 2011 at 7:55 AM | Unregistered Commentermick
Well now i feel better knowing that my way of life is going to help the program.
And now Gomp can stop drinking that dam diet beer.
That was a good one .LOL.I like the old people in the backround.
Jul 28, 2011 at 11:07 AM | Unregistered CommenterJTS
Michelle Obama: 'Let's Move' Initiative Battles Childhood Obesity


Note: Bill Clinton is also involved in this subject, now for the results...........

Malnourished American Children Face Long Term Learning and Developmental Problems



Doctors at a major Boston hospital report they are seeing more hungry and dangerously thin young children in the emergency room than at any time in more than a decade of surveying families.
Jul 28, 2011 at 12:00 PM | Unregistered Commenterjohn
And now Gomp can stop drinking that dam diet beer.
That was a good one .LOL.I like the old people in the backround.

Diet-Beer....................? Hey Jake !
Jul 28, 2011 at 11:50 PM | Unregistered CommenterTexas Dar
Joe Lieberman will be on board

Lieberman Says We Need To Cut Social Security To Pay For Defense


DEATH PANELS here we come

NY Times Columnist Advocates Death Panels

Aug 3, 2011 at 1:23 PM | Unregistered CommenterLiberatedCitizen
Shove it up their smug fucking asses and break it off. They are in fantasy-land if they think they will survive the coming revolution just by virtue of who they are! HAHAHAHA! Death panes? Give me a tiny, little, break! Sure, why not. They - and their children - can be the first to be elected to go without medical treatment.

Robert S. Finnegan, USMC (1976-1984)
Free Peoples Of The United States In Exile
Jakarta, Indonesia
Aug 4, 2011 at 1:49 AM | Unregistered CommenterRobert S. Finnegan
***** @ Robert S. Finnegan ********

I know how you feel my friend. Many feel the same way. Many are down n out and have nothing to lose. But dont be the first one goverment takes out........

That is just what they, both sides are waiting for.........We cant aford to lose a one of us......
Aug 4, 2011 at 9:56 PM | Unregistered CommenterTexas Dar
Dar -

I have been silenced by the owner.

Robert s. Finnegan
Aug 4, 2011 at 11:49 PM | Unregistered CommenterRobert S. Finnegan
Not silenced Robert. Comments have been screwed up all day. System has been blocking everyone, myself included.
Aug 4, 2011 at 11:51 PM | Registered CommenterDailyBail
A Good Re-Read..............

And some of the things I say when im Mas as Hell, or my hart is hurttin with pain, im supprised DB lets me coment on his site, but im not band from it yeat......

Charley Reese's Final column!

A very interesting column.. COMPLETELY NEUTRAL
Be sure to Read the Poem at the end.

Charley Reese's final column for the Orlando Sentinel...
He has been a journalist for 49 years.
He is retiring and this is HIS LAST COLUMN.

Be sure to read the Tax List at the end.



Sorry its long, but worth reminding our self's where n lies the real proublum..........
Aug 5, 2011 at 2:13 PM | Unregistered CommenterTexas Dar
Comment from Robert. Was sent to me by email in response to Texas Dar.


Sorry Dar, matey, I just ain't gonna acceptt it.


WE CONTROL the proposed federal budget. The President doesn't have shit to say about it if we had the guts to take it over. If The People hadn't abrogated their right to do this, WE would control .it.

WE HAVE the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives doesn't do shit without OUR authority.... that is if we exercised it.

BULL SHIT. WE could write the tax code if Americans had the balls and brains to insist on it. Congress doesn't have shit to say about it if we don't give them the authority.

WE The People set fiscal policy, Congress wouldn't have JACK SHIT to say about it if we had kept firing these bastards until they did our bidding as we demanded. WHAT A FUCKING COP OUT.

WE control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank doesn't have shit to say about if if we burn the bastard down and take over our own finances.

"When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist." CHARLIE It is not the truth and I do not accept it!


The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES TO ELECT THEIR REPRESENTATIVES. WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT CHARLIE.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair. BULL SHIT. IT IS UNFAIR BECAUSE THE SEEP IN THE U.S. ALLOW IT TO BE.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red. BULL SHIT. IT'S BECAUSE THE LILY-LIVERED PUSSIES IN THIS COUNTRY ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN.

If the Army & Marines are in Iraq and Afghanistan it's because they want them in Iraq and Afghanistan . BULL SHIT. IF THE MARINES AND THE ARMY DISOBEYED ILLEGAL ORDERS AS THEY ARE SWORN TO DO AND MUTINIED, THEY WOULD ALL BE RIGHT HERE AT HOME.

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way. BULL SHIT. IT'S BECAUSE THE CRASS COWARDS IN THE U.S. ALLOW IT. PURE AND SIMPLE.

There are no insoluble government problems. HOLY SHIT CHARLIE, YA GOT ONE RIGHT.

They, and they alone, have the power. BULL SHIT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess! WELL NO SHIT, CHARLIE. LOOKS LIKE IT'S A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE FOR THAT SHIT, ISN'T IT OLD BOY?


Dar, my friend, I don't pay taxes, and I never will. That's because I AM A FREE MAN, LIVING IN THE FREE COUNTRY OF INDONESIA, ONE OF THE WORLD'S NEWEST DEMOCRACIES.

You need to save yourself old buddy. If you want to GIT OUT we will help you. I'm going down to the beach in about an hour, with my tanks and I'm going to sit on the bottom of one of the most beautiful diving edens in the world and play with the tropical fish. Got a crew of cleaners that chews the dead skin off my old dessicated ass and I swear matey, I feel like a new fucking man when I haul myself out of the water on to the black sand beaches of Lombok under the palm trees, to be greeted by my beautiful, brave, young, multi-degreed Indonesian wife who is standing there ready to wash me down with fresh water and hand me an ice cold Bintang. I don't do shit these days, except try to relax as I watch my country implode. AND GODDAMNIT, I FUCKING DESERVE IT! SO DO YOU! GET OUT MAN! We will help you if you want to go! LIVE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY DUDE. If nothing else, just get out to LIVE!!! You deserve it!!! Be a FREE MAN AGAIN! I will personally walk you through it. DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T DO IT! THAT GOES FOR THE REST OF YOU! GET THE FUCK O...U...T!!!

And for those that stay I'll put a huge green lobster on the fire for you guys and toast your coming revolution!

Robert S. and Imas Kurniawati-Finnegan
Free Peoples Of The United States In Exile
Lombok, Indonesia
Aug 5, 2011 at 8:00 PM | Registered CommenterDailyBail
Thanks DB, for finding the link to my long e-mail i posted. Thanks Again for letting Robert S. Finnegan vent. Im sure he feels a lot better as i do some times...
Aug 5, 2011 at 10:10 PM | Unregistered CommenterTexas Dar
I mean it Dar. We can't afford to lose people like you. At least think about it.

Aug 5, 2011 at 10:33 PM | Unregistered CommenterRobert S. Finnegan
O.K. Dar, let's make it simple. We're flying back to JKT tonight, we are working on a gig here for the rest of the month. But come September, if I'm still breathing, I want to invite you to come and just LOOK at it. Stay with us, no cost except getting here. You can get a 30 day tourist visa on arrival, all you need is the passport. We take care of the rest. You are worth saving man, even if you have your own doubts. Think about it, a free vacation. In paradise. At home we have maid, pool, health club. All free. We live in an exclusive area in the Financial District (Golden Triangle), 22d Floor, $450.00 U.S. a month. Triple ring security. No shit. You need a break anyways, clean out your mind. Eat all you want, drink all you want, dive all you want, the food is incredible. There is a lot of shit I want to talk to you about and this isn't the proper place. Don't be timid dude, if I can live here with all the medical problems I have, you are a shoe-in. If you are not married, we can take care of that too, in a heartbeat. The only terrorists here are the fucking mosquitoes, Komodo Dragons, and the nasty little pathogens that invade the gut, but that is easily taken care of. Antibiotics can be had for pennies, no prescriptions needed. 50 hits of Cipro goes for about $7.00 U.S. A one day stay in a good hospital is about $30.00 U.S. Doctor's visit about $10.00 U.S. Our money goes one hell of a long way here. I have images if you want to see what it looks like.

Now what guy in his right mind would turn down an offer like that?

Aug 5, 2011 at 11:22 PM | Unregistered CommenterRobert S. Finnegan

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